The 4 Secrets To a Successful Relationship
Today, I will reveal the secret to how you and your partner should communicate with respect to your finances.
My intent here is to help any of you struggling with your partner when it comes to your family finances. Like I said previously, with respect, we don't need any more baby mothers and baby fathers in our communities. We need committed husbands and wives. Relationships don’t last and financial success does not happen if both parties do not do their part. And trust me, I know, it’s hard work. But apply what I talk about here and you got this.
Ok, These are the four things you need to do to save your relationship from financial destruction.
Have a Leader
Now, as I dive into these four things, I want to let you know that I guarantee that if you follow these rules, you won’t separate due to financial reasons. Now, I can’t control infidelity or loss of love in a relationship. But what I can do, is help you and your partner handle your financials together and help you be more financially successful than you ever have been.
1. BE ALIGNED
Now I want to be straightforward here. For you to succeed in your relationship you both have to be aligned. what I mean by that, is that you both have to be aiming for the same thing. financially, your relationship will not succeed if one of you wants to use your money to enjoy life to the fullest now, and the other wants to save for the future. Now, there is nothing wrong with both of those goals but they do contradict each other and you will clash with your partner if you are both not aligned. This part is pretty black and white and fairly simple. Be aligned and aim for the same thing with your partner. If one of you wants to buy a house and the other is fine renting, it will not work.
So the question is how do you get aligned if you're not aligned? The answer is to make sure you have you talk it out until you both get aligned and to never give up until you are aligned. Wow, I’ve never said the word align so much at one time. but I do want you to know that's how important this is. Let's talk about this more, you need to have that conversation with your partner to make sure you're both aiming for the same thing. It's not going to be easy, there would be frustration, and there will be arguments, but it has to be done to make sure you both are aligned and aiming for the same thing. and that goes hand-in-hand without giving up. Whether you are the more financially Savvy one in the relationship or you are the one that can't control your spending. you both cannot give up on each other. and I want to be very clear, giving up is not an option if you want a successful long lasting relationship. If you're not in this for the long haul, there's other re-evaluating you need to do to you here.
2. CREATE RULES
Now that you are aligned, you want to create rules that help you get towards your goal. An example of what I mean is that my wife and I have a rule that we have to ask each other for permission to spend over $50, This rule is in place to help us not spend frivolously and save more. For any of you guys that think I'm soft for asking my wife for permission to spend more than $50, I say, so what, I'm happily married.
As a couple, you don't have to have that rule. You both can discuss whatever rules you want and just make sure you stick to it and hold yourselves accountable. For example, if you are saving up to buy a house and your rule is that, none of you can withdraw from that savings account without you both approving it then that's the rule that you guys have to follow. Once again this doesn't work if both of you don't follow the rules and hold yourselves accountable.
Other examples of rules you can apply to your relationship is creating a budget for clothes shopping, for example every quarter you only have $200 to spend on clothes. so that means four times a year you can spend $200. Another rule can be that you can only buy one big thing a year, and you both can determine what that big thing is. For example a motorcycle, a grill, or a phone. Another rule can be, if you both are creating a budget, and the household budget let's say, is $100 a week, then the rule is that you both can spend up to $50 a week on whatever you want. Now, with these examples you can change the price to whatever you want. But once again, as you create and agree on these rules, make sure you are aligned for one goal and save to make sure that happens, so the rules only help to make sure that that goal will be reached.
3. HAVE A LEADER
This next one might be a little tougher, specifically for the dominant person in the relationship. but you have to have a leader in the relationship when it comes to money. Now, I don't want you to mistake that for one person that tells the other person what to do all the time. But th
ere will be times that there is no right or wrong answer and both of you don't know which way to the side, so in those cases the leader has to make the decision and the other person has to support that decision.
My recommendation is for the leader to be the one that is the more financially savvy person or the person that has more financial self discipline. No matter how aligned you are, or rules you have in place, things will happen that will throw you off course and the leader will be there to hold you both accountable and to help make sure your goals are not fading away. Like I said earlier, this is hard if the dominant person in the relationship is the spender. This is where you both have to agree that the leader will just lead when it comes to the money situation and the dominant person will continue their role in whatever that is. Now, if you are the dominant person and it is hard for you to give up that control, remember that you are both aiming for the same goal of financial success. This is something small to give up when it comes to the big win.
In my relationship, when my wife and I first got together. She was the more financially savvy one, so she was the leader when it came to the money. And I had to just accept that when we didn't know what decision to make financially, and she felt one way and I felt another, I had to trust in her decision. I know that it was for the best of the family. Now I am the one that takes lead in our finances, but every couple of years we do switch up, so know that it doesn't always have to be the same person all the time.
4. CONSTANT COMMUNICATION
And the last thing that will help a relationship through financial struggles is that you both need constant communication when it comes to money. My wife and I talk about our finances at least once a week. I know that sounds like a lot, but we both know where our money is going at all times. So I ask you, when was the last time you sat down and spoke to your spouse or significant other about your finances, and arguments don't count. The conversations don't have to be long or deep or to blame anyone. It could just be, hey I saw $40 come out of the account, what was that for? Or it could be hey we paid off one of our credit cards do we have to redo our budget? Or it could just be to inquire about how much the electric bill was. but there has to be constant communication when it comes to the money.
My recommendation is to talk every week but I do know people that talk every other week or once a month. Whatever you decide as long as you are constantly communicating will work. So my call to action with this is to schedule time weather is once a week or every other week and put your phones down and talk about your money. talk about how much you spend that week, talk about how close you are to your goal. Dream together. Talk about what it’s going to look like when you purchase your home or when you're moving in. You can have this conversation over a glass of wine or during dinner, but it has to be done for both of you to succeed.
I know it's easier said than done. But, to summarize, the key to a successful relationship without having money as a burden is to make sure you both are aligned and aiming for the same goal or goals, create rules that you both will follow that will help you get closer to your goals, have a leader that you both agree on that will hold you both accountable and make the final decisions if you both can’t agree on something, and the last thing is constant communication. You need to talk about your finances all the time. don't ignore it don't forget about it keep it in the forefront and make sure you have discussions about where the family is going financially.
Like I said earlier, I don't always guarantee things. But I do guarantee that if you follow these four steps, you will minimize your financial arguments, and you will progress financially in your relationship together. If you are one of those couples that are heading towards divorce or just splitting up because of money arguments, please give this one more chance and commit to these steps and I promise you things will be a lot better. Also, definitely feel free to tell me about your story when things get better, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know if this has helped you. Or email me even if you have any rules or steps you are applying to your relationship that I can talk about to help other relationships in their financial Journey.